I went to see the Dalai Lama recently. What an amazing man. The part of His message that stuck with me the most was about having compassion for everyone.  But he also said that if they are not prepared to accept it from you, to turn away and move on, and wish them peace.  That wasn't something I expected him to say.  I know some folks might think that, by not fighting and pressing your views and beliefs on others and bullying them in to agreeing with you, it's a sign of weakness.  (This is something we in the US are notorious for).  It actually takes greater strength to walk away, than to bully.  Bullies are usually hiding their fear behind their anger.  Making others feel small isn't strength, it's cowardace.

We can't look at having compassion as being weak, or being "a door mat".  It's not about throwing away your power, it's about claiming it.  It's about knowing your boundaries, and maintaining those, but also, not judging and demeaning others to make yourself feel more powerful.  We never know when a simple word,or act of kindness will change someones day, even someones life.  We may never know what it meant to that person, but that's not the point.  The point is that instead of being on the offensive, and building walls, we open the doors and windows and let our light, our compassion, shine out.  Some people won't like it, some people will see it as foolish or weak, and some will wither in it's intensity.  That's their perception, and it's on their heads to learn and accept, or turn away. That doesn't make the giver weak, it makes them strong.  What the recipient does with the gift you give is their decision, not yours.  I once had someone tell me, when we were talking about giving money to people who were panhandling...I had said something like "They'll just go out and spend it on booze or drugs."  The person I was talking to said, "So what if they do?  That doesn't diminish the good deed you did.  If you gave them that money with good intention, then you own the good deed, and that is repaid to you.  What they choose to do with that money once it leaves your hands is on them. You relinquish any control over that money as soon as it leaves your fingers. And you really never know if it's that dollar you give, or that smile or that kind word, that might be the pebble that starts the avalanche that changes someone's whole life.  That's not for you to judge.  Just give with good intention, own that, and let go of the judgement of the person you've given to."   It sounds so simple, and it should be.  If we held that in our hearts, everyday, what a wonderful world we would have.

It does bother me to hear people say they don't want to be compassionate, because they're worried people will walk all over them.  Believe me, that's your choice to make, no ones else's. You can choose to be strong and compassionate, or allow them to wipe their feet on you. Taking the path of compassion is a much harder road to take, but well worth it in the end. When I find my self overwhelmed by the stronger personalities around me, (and I remember to do it..), I always feel better for having taken the peaceful road, rather than the rocky highway. There are times I would rather just rather keep my mouth shut, than to get in to a conflict.  That has to do with my need for peace and tranquility, and I HATE confrontation and conflict.  I want to run in the other direction when a situation comes to that.  But let someone threaten or intimidate someone who is in a weaker position, or one of my family, watch OUT!  But I'm also working on that aspect, too.  I do have a bit of a temper.  Maybe when I'm ninety, I'll get there..

 So it comes down to not only having compassion, but tolerance.  It's not my job to force others believe as I believe, but to share my insights as I see them, the way I perceive them.  It's not my job to judge others' beliefs, either.  Mutual respect, compassion and tolerance.  That's it. We are all fighting the same battle, it's each person's choice what form of shield they use.  Let's help, not hurt.  Honor, not harm. Be the first to smile, a real heartwarming smile, it will lift your spirits, too.

Is my desperate need for security keeping me from my successful self?

I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff.  I want very much to do something that gives me joy, but I have this terrible fear of stepping away from a job, even though it does not serve me.  It feeds my bank account, but it does not feed my soul.  I know there are so many out there that would love to be in my shoes right now.  There are so many without a job, without money in the bank, without any safety nets. And a part of me feels like such an ingrate for feeling as though I need to leave.  Where is that line between gratefulness and selfishness?  Do I go out and just find another job?  Is that the answer?  I’ve been told to follow my passion, but I don’t have the first clue what that might be.  I have no idea how I even go about finding it.  I know what I’m good at, but, I don't think I can make a living doing it. I have so many financial obligations that I live in fear of not being able to meet them.  So do I walk away from those, too? These are contracts that I entered into in good faith.

I’ve made so many poor choices in my life when it has come to financial decisions.  And have trusted all the wrong people when it has come to them.  I feel like a fool sometimes, well, most of the time, really.  I’m terrified of making another one.  I float though each day and hope for the best.  I endeavor to make each day special for someone, but that someone is rarely me.  So how do I change that?  Where do I start? 

I know the answer is inside of me.  That I have to make that choice, and find the path down the cliff.  Jumping is not an option, I’m not brave enough to do it.  So I have to find the way down, without starting an avalanche.   By paying one bill at a time, working one day at a time.  In doing so, I’ll free myself a little more each day. More importantly, trying to do something that is just for me, even the smallest of things, every day. Then, finding the courage to make the changes necessary to pull my life from dreary, to delightful.

I have this quote from Joseph Campbell rolling around in my head:

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

I like that…maybe that’s where I’ll start…

© Deb Hoyt, 2013

"In losing almost everything I had, I have found everything I wanted. Taking a risk is never easy, and some choices are between scary and terrifying, but I make them all the same and move on...with my life...in peace...ahhhhh....I am content!"

   When I first wrote this I had just found out that my divorce was final.  It was not an easy time...and I did loose almost everything "we" had worked so hard to acquire.  I went from living in a 2,200 square foot house on three beautiful acres, to a 600 square foot garage apartment.  I had three sweet dogs, and four precious cats.  My ex took the dogs, but I couldn't keep all four cats.  I had to make the choice of which would come with me and which would go to new homes.  It's a shame to say, but I was more upset about loosing my fur babies, and my house, than I was about ending my 13 year marriage.  I guess that says a lot.  After 8 months of waiting, it was finally over, decree signed, maiden name returned...done.  I thought.   That day was so bitter sweet.  13 years is a lot of life to give up.  Now, I knew I had a choice to make.  Would I live in the past and "mourn" my little losses, or would I move on and work on becoming the woman I knew I could be?  

   Oh, I cried and cried, and then, started feeling guilty for crying over something so trivial. I thought, "There are much bigger, more painful things happening to people every day.  What right did I have to feel sad, or depressed over this small thing?"  As I thought about that guilt I realized that was a mistake, feeling guilty. Crying over small things wasn't wrong.  What I suddenly understood was that if I don't let those small hurts and heartaches be expressed, they fester.  I find that if I don't release them, cry them out, that I feel worse every time they come back into my thoughts.  And they come back more and more often, getting bigger, an emotional snowball rolling downhill.  By not releasing them, they build power.  

   So here's my point...it's OK to cry over the small things.  I've heard the old saying, "No use crying over spilled milk."  Well, I think there is a use.  Crying is a release...a way of letting go of those "small things" that don't seem important, but they actually are.  I'm in pain, and it's OK to cry.  I'm scared, and it's OK to cry about that, too. I  feel foolish, but it's not being foolish, it's being human.  I don't ignore a cut, I clean it and bandage it so it heals.  Getting rid of those little hurts, the "paper cuts" of life, is important. Those tears make room for the joy of life to fill the space they leave behind.  They're the clear, fresh air after the storm.  The brilliant colors that shine out when the rain has washed the dust off the leaves.  Tears are the souls' cleansing mechanism.  The relief I feel after a good cry is the soothing bandage.  I'm not talking about weeping copiously over a lost paperclip, but if I break my favorite coffee mug, and I feel tears building, well, what harm is there a good sniffle or two? 

   For me crying doesn't come easy, I fight it, I try to rationalize it, and then I'll find myself exploding over something very small.  And I know, if I'd cleaned out all those little hurts, I'd be calmer and more able to deal with all the crap that life throws at me everyday.  So, when the big things come up, (and they will), I can handle them better, be stronger for those who need me.  It's about healing myself, allowing me to be the woman I know I can be.

OK, rant done for the day.  Love and Light...Deb

Not really sure what I'm doing with this yet.  All the content is mine, my original thoughts, my photography,...just thought "dust bunnies" rolling around in my mental attic...
I have copy righted the content here, so if you'd like to use anything here, just let me know.  If I quote someone I will say so, and give proper credit for anyone's material I use.

So here we go...


Start each day with a promise to yourself to make this day a better day for someone, even if it's only for you. End each day with praise of your accomplishments, no matter how small. They are significant, if only to you. Know in your heart that you have chance to make the world a more beautiful place, just by being here.  You may never know what a simple act of kindness does for the person who receives it, but not knowing doesn't diminish the act itself.  As long as you give from a place of love and beauty, the gift is actually yours also. 
Thank you, for making my world a more beautiful place.
Deb Hoyt
11/3/13

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